Aza's Compulsion and Anxiety

Turtles All the Way Down

This flow traces Aza's obsessive fears from bodily checking and avoidance through crisis, treatment, and an ongoing, imperfect recovery.

increasing

Bearing strength in each event

decreasing

The Microbiome Spiral The Microbiome Spiral from "Turtles All the Way Down". The Microbiome Spiral A bodily sensation takes over Aza Holmes hears her stomach and begins fearing infection from the microbes inside her.

The Microbiome Spiral from "Turtles All the Way Down". The Microbiome Spiral A bodily sensation takes over Aza Holmes hears her stomach and begins fearing infection from the microbes inside her.

The Microbiome Spiral A bodily sensation takes over Aza Holmes hears her stomach and begins fearing infection from the microbes inside her. She searches online instead of remaining present with her friends. Compulsion as temporary relief She reopens the callus on her finger and covers it again, repeating a ritual that briefly narrows the fear without resolving it.

Checking the Wound Checking the Wound from "Turtles All the Way Down". Checking the Wound Doubt becomes an instruction Aza Holmes worries that river water infected her open finger and repeatedly inspects the bandage.

Checking the Wound from "Turtles All the Way Down". Checking the Wound Doubt becomes an instruction Aza Holmes worries that river water infected her open finger and repeatedly inspects the bandage.

Checking the Wound Doubt becomes an instruction Aza Holmes worries that river water infected her open finger and repeatedly inspects the bandage. A small uncertainty becomes an urgent demand to check again. The loop renews itself Cleaning and reopening the wound briefly relieve tension, then create fresh reasons to fear infection.

A Panicked Appointment A Panicked Appointment from "Turtles All the Way Down". A Panicked Appointment Treatment meets resistance Aza Holmes tells Dr. Karen Singh that she feels unreal and cannot control her thoughts.

A Panicked Appointment from "Turtles All the Way Down". A Panicked Appointment Treatment meets resistance Aza Holmes tells Dr. Karen Singh that she feels unreal and cannot control her thoughts.

A Panicked Appointment Treatment meets resistance Aza Holmes tells Dr. Karen Singh that she feels unreal and cannot control her thoughts. She admits that she does not take her medication consistently. A fear about identity Aza worries that medication could change the self she is trying to understand, even as her symptoms disrupt daily life.

The Hospital Crisis The Hospital Crisis from "Turtles All the Way Down". The Hospital Crisis Fear turns into dangerous action While hospitalized with a liver laceration, Aza becomes convinced that Clostridioides difficile is…

The Hospital Crisis from "Turtles All the Way Down". The Hospital Crisis Fear turns into dangerous action While hospitalized with a liver laceration, Aza becomes convinced that Clostridioides difficile is…

The Hospital Crisis Fear turns into dangerous action While hospitalized with a liver laceration, Aza becomes convinced that Clostridioides difficile is invading her. She drinks hand sanitizer in an attempt to feel clean and safe. The illness becomes undeniable Her behavior prompts urgent intervention and makes clear that her compulsions have become a threat to her health.

Living With the Spiral Living With the Spiral from "Turtles All the Way Down". Living With the Spiral Treatment and return Aza Holmes changes medication, resumes school, and continues treatment with Dr. Karen Singh.

Living With the Spiral from "Turtles All the Way Down". Living With the Spiral Treatment and return Aza Holmes changes medication, resumes school, and continues treatment with Dr. Karen Singh.

Living With the Spiral Treatment and return Aza Holmes changes medication, resumes school, and continues treatment with Dr. Karen Singh. She improves without being cured. A life beyond recovery language Aza learns that persistence, friendship, and ordinary routines matter even when distress remains possible.

Early September, during lunch at school

That evening, while watching television with her mother

The next week, in Dr. Singh's office

After the car accident, during her hospital stay

The months after her hospital discharge